Kate’s Blog

Baby doves, commitment and a cherry tree

This spring a mother dove chose the cherry tree right outside our kitchen window to make a nest. Now I know it’s “just” nature, but that mother dove, and apparently the father dove also, sat on those eggs for weeks through the nastiest April weather we have had in history.

COMPASSION WITHOUT WISDOM

One morning I woke up to see only her shape under 5 inches of snow. Being a well-intentioned and sometimes misguided humanoid, I wanted to go out and brush her off. Of course I restrained myself but it took a lot of effort not to “help”.

NATURE’S WISDOM

It appeared off for this mother dove to place her nest 5 feet from the ground where squirrels jumped and played but once again, nature knew more than I. Now that her babies have hatched, they are safely sequestered under a blanket of blossoms.

COMMITMENT

I have been married 35 years this September and raised, with my husband, 3 amazing offspring.. I know something about commitment, yet it still amazes me, the willingness to forgo oodles of one’s own comfort for another who is loved. All this often without even a thought of “if not for_____, I could have______ or be doing___”

I keep trying to take a picture to share, especially now that the babies have feathers and appear to be about the size of a tennis ball but every photo I take hides them. They blend in so well with the bark of the cherry tree. So I will share a photo but you probably will just have to enjoy the blossoms on this rainy morning and trust that she and they are there, nesting in the rain, ready to fly off one day soon.

Mindful Choices in times of Life’s Storms

It is obvious, and we know it intellectually, but when life sends us storms, we are often surprised. How we meet those challenges mindfully determines, to a great degree, how we will be affected. AND…making mindful choices to meet life’s challenges is a process that cannot be rushed.

Be it illness, loss, a fading flower, or a betrayal, every arrival challenges us to pause and take a few moments to notice our usual reactivity ( hating, resisting, pushing away). Then invite a nice long, slow, easy breath and see clearly what is really present. Sensations in the body such as tension and contraction give us the first clue. Habit patterns and rumination in the mind give us the second clue. And a tumble of emotions, when recognized, give us the third clue.

It is our choice –always- to resist and suffer more OR to soften and maybe grieve or regret, depending upon what has arrived at our door, and then if possible, to meet what is present with some equanimity. When we make mindful choices we suffer less.

So the first step is to become aware that you are suffering by using mindful attention. The next step is to console yourself, the way you would comfort your own child. Take care not to rush or bypass this step. You may be tempted because of the discomfort or pain. The third step is remember that you are not alone. We humans experience human suffering and it is a choice to make it better or worse. We might even choose to look for some beauty in our tenderness. Believe it or not, sometimes there are gifts and new growth that come with life’s storms.

My neighbor’s photo of a recent rainbow reminded me of both the storms and the beauty. Thanks Barb

#Heartbasedmindfulness #MBSR #katemitcheom #branfordCT #meditation #HaycockPoint

WAIT or “Why Am I Talking”

Mindful speech is a great practice. If there is really too much talking than why am I adding to it? This is the question I ask myself. Do I have something to say that improves upon the silence. Seems many folks are too uncomfortable to simply sit with a little quiet time. But it is healthy for our Parasympathetic nervous system to rest and relax and stop the constant chatter. So rather than go on, I am going to suggest that you turn off all devices for 5-10 minutes and just enjoy your breath, the spring air and the fact that you are alive. Savor life!!!

Resistance and Surrender

One thing about the new year is that the beginning of 2017 combined with the darkness of the season just naturally invites inner reflection.

I sometimes wonder about how much we miss because we are in the habit of saying “no”. No thats not the way I do it, No, I don’t like it that way, No, I don’t care for that or her or him or them….etc

It can be refreshing to pause for a moment when “No” arises and check it out, not with any expectation of change but just with curiosity. How does “No” feel in the body, notice especially the jaw, the belly, the shoulders, the forehead. Maybe there is tension in the brain. It can be helpful to be aware of how different states of mind feel in the body. Simply gathering information to be able to see and then to choose.

We can use “No” to keep the status quo in place or we can use “No” to give ourselves a sense of safety or boundries. Those boundries can turn into walls and those walls not only keep others out but keep us locked within.

I offer this poem for your reflection…..

The Healing Time

Finally on my way to yes
I bumped into
All the places
Where I said no
To my life
All the untended wounds
The red and purple scars
Those hieroglyphs of pain
Carved into my skin, my bones
Those coded messages
That send me down

The wrong street

Again and again
Where I find them
The old wounds
The old misdirections
And I lift them
One by one
Chose to my heart
And I say holy
Holy
-Peshawar Bertler-

Simple…just need to remember

At a teacher’s retreat last Friday a friend shared this morning practice.

Upon awakening and before getting out of bed she acknowledges “Here for another day”

Might sound weird but it is so easy to forget this gift, yes, the day can be challenging at times but not to be missed.

May we all use wisely this gift of time we are given

Why won’t other people change???

*”When I was a young man (woman), I wanted to change the world. I found it was

difficult to change the world,so I tried to change my nation. When I found

I couldn’t change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn’t

change the town and so I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man (woman), I

realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that

if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family.

Then my family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact

could have changed the nation and I could **indeed have changed the world.”*

*~ Unknown monk*

I have noticed that in interpersonal relationships there is often a rub. That rub in my experience has to do with my own wanting things to be a particular way, as though there was one right way for things to be. I find no peace when I persist with this and my relationships suffer. If, instead, I become an observer of my own desires and attachment to having things be a certain way, I can relax, respond and let go.

Observations…

Ok, it’s the Holiday season. Families gather together to enjoy each other’s company and to remind each other of all the gifts we have to be thankful for despite the challenges and disappointments.

But I am aware of some anxiety and trepidation. How will it be to all be together? While we may wish for a perfect scenario, the reality is that if we persist in that delusion we may create what looks perfect from the outside but is hollow inside. True intimacy is fraught with edges, lumps and bumps and witnessing unhelpful habitual patterns.

So I guess that resting in reality or as Pema Chodron says “relax into the groundlessness” is more vibrant and alive, even if it is sometimes messy, uncomfortable and unattractive. There are movies made about family holiday gatherings and what I love about them is that they make us lighten up and laugh. There is a lot of joy in imperfection.

My wish for all of us this season is that we don’t so much relax in our own good fortune but include in our thoughts and actions others whose lives are far short of anything to be grateful for. What good are gifts if they are not to be shared.

Cooperative Society Observations

New York displays this well.

In this post election twilight zone space I had an opportunity to view what I suspect many red state voters never experience. As I rode the subway I saw masses of humanity in all its shades, shapes and sizes in transit. We were crowded, body to body, shifting to get in or out at each stop and racing through Times Square station where beautiful music was played by subway musicians. I also heard music of another sort… “excuse me”, “please move in” and “do you want this seat? (Said with eyes and gestures, not words)”.

We as a collective were shabbily dressed, carrying plastic bags and well dressed in suits with brief cases. But we were together as people, not as “other” to be suspicious of or frightened of or to distrust. I wonder when we will stop living in fear because that is required to live together in peace.
A large part of Mindful practice calls us to wake up to our own delusions or misperceptions. We come to our conclusions about life and each other based on our life experience as well as what we are fed by the media. I for one am watching my media “diet” and questioning myself about my “beliefs”. Just because it hasn’t been my experience, does that mean it is not true? For me, while riding the subway, the only thing that was true in that moment, from my perspective, was people just like me, trying to make the best of their lives and doing it side by side with”others” who were not others.

Watch the ways of the thoughts, they developed into habits and habits develop into patterns and patterns develop into character. We need solid, trustworthy, kind characters in this play of life.