Heart-Based Mindfulness

with Kate Mitcheom - CNM, MSN, RYT, EMP

Kate’s Blog

Yoga and meditation in Ecuador

Guayaquil, Ecuador – First Annual Women’s Wellness Symposium

It is nearly impossible, while living in Western comfort to imagine the barrio much less the women and their families living there in poverty.  But Mama Linda, the matriarch of Adopta Una Familia (AUF) and daughters Erica (who was a Peace Corp Volunteer in Guasmo) and Abby know them well.  Together with the women of the community, they created the First Annual Women’s Health Symposium.  

 “Of course, I will go” was my reply when asked would I come along to offer yoga and meditation (in Spanish with great translators).  We were a mighty group of 9 coming from the US to the barrio to offer massage, mindfulness, trauma work and prayer for 4 days, complete with meals and goodie bags for the 70+participants ranging from 16-75.  This community is especially dear to me because my children each traveled there many times to do service work and our whole family went together there the year after 15 year old Ben’s adventures losing his passport and $$ (some of you may remember this tale and many of you have donated or could donate to AUF).

Vacation/Retreat in Tuscany

Some of the retreats I lead combine meditation and vacation.  We practice yoga first thing in the morning followed by breakfast and then 2 hours of mindfulness and meditation. We practice sitting, walking and exploring themes and topics.  This retreat took place in Italy at an 800 year old farmhouse.  While very different from a silent retreat, each participant still meets themselves and challenges arise.  

As we explored the Tuscan region of Italy in the afternoon, the participants had a chance to put what they were learning in the morning sessions into action as they interacted with others and observed the art and architecture of ancient civilizations.  My college roommate and art historian, Kathy Daniels, guided us through cities, towns, museums and churches.  As with silent retreats, participants here also met with challenges of past habits and patterns.  They had to face their own discomforts of cold floors, unfamiliar food and the invitation to turn toward that which they might otherwise reject and learn to “just be” with what “is”.

Why do we go on retreat?

When we go on retreat, we leave our customary comforts and move into the unknown.  As they say, our old problems will not be solved with the same thinking that created them.  There are gifts that come to us from the challenges that being out of our comfort zone brings.  It is of benefit to hear, really hear not just with our ears but with our mind and heart what the world of another sounds, looks and feels like.  When we go on a retreat, our view of ourselves, each other and our world expands.  We become more fluid and curious.  This benefits not just us but all those with whom we share our world.   We may find that in our routines at home we are unlikely to “travel” outside of that which is familiar and comfortable and consequently we may be limited in what can be experienced.  It is a big wide world outside and inside…  take a chance, take a look, explore! 

Folks sometimes say they want my life.  I agree it is good and being involved in retreats is a big part of what makes it so good.  I have been hosting retreats for the last several years and I hope that sharing some thoughts on the experiences will be of interest to you.

Participants came from as far away as Japan and Brazil and brought with them their cultural traditions.  We all brought our own habits and patterns and points of view!  

At the end of the retreat the feelings expressed by many participants was overall surprise that one could feel intimately connected with another whose name was barely known, much less any superficial details of their lives. This has been a common experience in all the silent retreats I have led and it is inspiring to see the commitment to the practice of Mindfulness and to the well-being of the participants themselves that radiates out to the world.

Participants entered into silence on Sunday evening after a social supper and an orientation informing them abouthow the week would proceed.  At all times the intention was to direct one’s attention to the present moment.  This was practiced while meditating on a cushion or chair, walking, eating meals, doing yoga, and upon wakening, showering and preparing for bed.

This practice can be tiring, even exhausting.  It takes effort and diligence and no small degree of courage to come back, over and over again to the present moment, seeing one’s own thoughts and mental patterns.  Interviews or small group meetings are held during the retreat which give the participant the opportunity for individual check-ins.  These sessions are intended to support the practice and engage in conversation around difficulties that may be arising.  At the first group interview on day 3 a couple of participants expressed a desire to leave.  Neither truly intended to leave but were simply sharing their struggles and unhappiness.  On some level they could see that there was the possibility of insight into what was causing their unhappiness.   By the end of the retreat both were in tears of joy with what, for them, was a transformation.   As the leader/facilitator I am always in awe of the meditator’s journey, and to know that it comes at no small cost in terms of self-compassion and a willingness to visit the parts of ourselves that may have been abandoned.

Baby doves, commitment and a cherry tree

This spring a mother dove chose the cherry tree right outside our kitchen window to make a nest.  Now I know it’s “just” nature, but that mother dove, and apparently the father dove also, sat on those eggs for weeks through the nastiest April weather we have had in history.

COMPASSION WITHOUT WISDOM

One morning I woke up to see only her shape under 5 inches of snow.  Being a well-intentioned and sometimes misguided humanoid, I wanted to go out and brush her off.  Of course I restrained myself but it took a lot of effort not to “help”.

 

NATURE’S WISDOM

It appeared off for this mother dove to place her nest 5 feet from the ground where squirrels jumped and played but once again, nature knew more than I.  Now that her babies have hatched, they are safely sequestered under a blanket of blossoms.

COMMITMENT

I have been married 35 years this September and  raised, with my husband, 3 amazing offspring..  I know something about commitment, yet it still amazes me, the willingness to forgo oodles of one’s own comfort for another who is loved.  All this often without even a thought of “if not for_____, I could have______ or be doing___”

I keep trying to take a picture to share, especially now that the babies have feathers and appear to be about the size of a tennis ball but every photo I take hides them.  They  blend in so well with the bark of the cherry tree.  So I will share a photo but you probably will just have to enjoy the blossoms on this rainy morning and trust that she and they are there, nesting in the rain, ready to fly off one day soon.

Mindful Choices in times of Life’s Storms

It is obvious, and we know it intellectually, but when life sends us storms, we are often surprised.  How we meet those challenges mindfully determines, to a great degree, how we will be affected.  AND…making mindful choices to meet life’s challenges is a process that cannot be rushed.

Be it illness, loss, a fading flower, or a betrayal, every arrival challenges us to pause and take a few moments to notice our usual reactivity ( hating, resisting, pushing away).  Then invite a nice long, slow, easy breath and see clearly what is really present.  Sensations in the body such as tension and contraction give us the first clue. Habit patterns and rumination in the mind give us the second clue.  And a tumble of emotions, when recognized, give us the third clue.

It is our choice –always- to resist and suffer more OR to soften and maybe grieve or regret, depending upon what has arrived at our door, and  then if possible, to meet what is present with some equanimity. When we make mindful choices we suffer less.

So the first step is to become aware that you are suffering by using mindful attention.  The next step is to console yourself, the way you would comfort your own child. Take care not to rush or bypass this step.  You may be tempted because of the discomfort or pain.  The third step is remember that you are not alone.  We humans experience human suffering and it is a choice to make it better or worse.  We might even choose to look for some beauty in our tenderness.  Believe it or not, sometimes there are gifts and new growth that come with life’s storms.

My neighbor’s photo of a recent rainbow reminded me of both the storms and the beauty.  Thanks Barb

#Heartbasedmindfulness #MBSR #katemitcheom #branfordCT #meditation #HaycockPoint

WAIT or “Why Am I Talking”

 

Mindful speech is a great practice.  If there is really too much talking than why am I adding to it? This is the question I ask myself. Do I have something to say that improves upon the silence. Seems many folks are too uncomfortable to simply sit with a little quiet time. But it is healthy for our Parasympathetic nervous system to rest and relax and stop the constant chatter. So rather than go on, I am going to suggest that you turn off all devices for 5-10 minutes and just enjoy your breath, the spring air and the fact that you are alive. Savor life!!!

Resistance and Surrender

One thing about the new year is that the beginning of 2017 combined with the darkness of the season just naturally invites inner reflection.

I sometimes wonder about how much we miss because we are in the habit of saying “no”.  No thats not the way I do it, No, I don’t like it that way, No, I don’t care for that or her or him or them….etc

It can be refreshing to pause for a moment when “No” arises and check it out, not with any expectation of change but just with curiosity.  How does “No” feel in the body, notice especially the jaw, the belly, the shoulders, the forehead. Maybe there is tension in the brain. It can be helpful to be aware of how different states of mind feel in the body. Simply gathering information to be able to see and then to choose.

We can use “No” to keep the status quo in place or we can use “No” to give ourselves a sense of safety or boundries.  Those boundries can turn into walls and those walls not only keep others out but keep us locked within.

I offer this poem for your reflection…..

The Healing Time


Finally on my way to yes
I bumped into
All the places
Where I said no
To my life
All the untended wounds
The red and purple scars
Those hieroglyphs of pain
Carved into my skin, my bones
Those coded messages
That send me down

The wrong street

Again and again
Where I find them
The old wounds
The old misdirections
And I lift them 
One by one
Chose to my heart
And I say holy
Holy
-Peshawar Bertler-


Simple…just need to remember

At a teacher’s retreat last Friday a friend shared this morning practice.

Upon awakening and before getting out of bed she acknowledges “Here for another day”

Might sound weird but it is so easy to forget this gift, yes, the day can be challenging at times but not to be missed.

May we all use wisely this gift of time we are given