Kate’s Blog

Why won’t other people change???

*”When I was a young man (woman), I wanted to change the world. I found it was

difficult to change the world,so I tried to change my nation. When I found

I couldn’t change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn’t

change the town and so I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man (woman), I

realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that

if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family.

Then my family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact

could have changed the nation and I could **indeed have changed the world.”*

*~ Unknown monk*

I have noticed that in interpersonal relationships there is often a rub. That rub in my experience has to do with my own wanting things to be a particular way, as though there was one right way for things to be. I find no peace when I persist with this and my relationships suffer. If, instead, I become an observer of my own desires and attachment to having things be a certain way, I can relax, respond and let go.

Observations…

Ok, it’s the Holiday season. Families gather together to enjoy each other’s company and to remind each other of all the gifts we have to be thankful for despite the challenges and disappointments.

But I am aware of some anxiety and trepidation. How will it be to all be together? While we may wish for a perfect scenario, the reality is that if we persist in that delusion we may create what looks perfect from the outside but is hollow inside. True intimacy is fraught with edges, lumps and bumps and witnessing unhelpful habitual patterns.

So I guess that resting in reality or as Pema Chodron says “relax into the groundlessness” is more vibrant and alive, even if it is sometimes messy, uncomfortable and unattractive. There are movies made about family holiday gatherings and what I love about them is that they make us lighten up and laugh. There is a lot of joy in imperfection.

My wish for all of us this season is that we don’t so much relax in our own good fortune but include in our thoughts and actions others whose lives are far short of anything to be grateful for. What good are gifts if they are not to be shared.

Cooperative Society Observations

New York displays this well.

In this post election twilight zone space I had an opportunity to view what I suspect many red state voters never experience. As I rode the subway I saw masses of humanity in all its shades, shapes and sizes in transit. We were crowded, body to body, shifting to get in or out at each stop and racing through Times Square station where beautiful music was played by subway musicians. I also heard music of another sort… “excuse me”, “please move in” and “do you want this seat? (Said with eyes and gestures, not words)”.

We as a collective were shabbily dressed, carrying plastic bags and well dressed in suits with brief cases. But we were together as people, not as “other” to be suspicious of or frightened of or to distrust. I wonder when we will stop living in fear because that is required to live together in peace.
A large part of Mindful practice calls us to wake up to our own delusions or misperceptions. We come to our conclusions about life and each other based on our life experience as well as what we are fed by the media. I for one am watching my media “diet” and questioning myself about my “beliefs”. Just because it hasn’t been my experience, does that mean it is not true? For me, while riding the subway, the only thing that was true in that moment, from my perspective, was people just like me, trying to make the best of their lives and doing it side by side with”others” who were not others.

Watch the ways of the thoughts, they developed into habits and habits develop into patterns and patterns develop into character. We need solid, trustworthy, kind characters in this play of life.

In troubled times (and really at all times!), do the right thing. Not for fame or money but just because it is right

The Daily Tejaniya
Oct. 24, 2016
You step back to give yourself the
opportunity to do it right.

You don’t take action because of your attachment;

You don’t take action because you are angry;

You don’t take action out of a deluded mind.

You do it because it’s the right thing to do.

A daily practice reminder from Sayadaw U Tejaniya.

Mothers (and Fathers)…Be Kind to Yourself

I have often thought that being a Mother is one of the most amazingly wonderful gifts of life. I have also thought about how much work and challenge the journey of parenting can be.

I began my meditation practice 20+ years ago and I began because I had 3 children and a full-time job as a midwife; I needed some skills! My daily practice has served me well bringing less reactivity and a more of calm perspective. I like to think it served my children as well.

So I offer you this beautiful mediation from:

Dr. Sona Dimidjian is Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Colorado, Boulder

http://www.mindful.org/a-loving-kindness-mediation-for-moms/

Comfort Zone

If the point of life were to sink further into well-worn grooves of comfort, this would be a perfectly acceptable approach. But our job is to move beyond these grooves.

The same is true of your meditation practice.

We need to know how to return to a place of ease but we also benefit from moving outside of our comfort zone. Here in this place of challenge we find new opportunities and refreshing views. Try it today…consider doing something differently! Or changing your point of view.

Partner Gazing

dreamstime_s_12658279 Out beyond our ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing there is a field
I will meet you there
When the soul lies down in that grass
The world is too full to talk about
Ideas, language, even the words each other
Doesn’t make any sense.

Rumi

(Working with a partner, take turns either with a hand on their back or shoulder or gazing at them with their eyes closed, then switch)

Know that this person before you has had the full range of human experience
They have known joy and they have known sorrow
They have known grief

They have known success and they have known failure
They have been praised and they have been blamed
There have been times of gain and times of loss

They have known sickness and they have known health
They have known bodily pain and they have bodily pleasure
They have known agitation and they have known calm

They have known love and they have known hatred
They have known friendship and they have known loneliness
They have known passion and they have known indifference

They have known loyalty and they have known betrayal
They have known kindness and they have known cruelty
They have known beauty and they have known ugliness

There are things that they are proud of and things they are ashamed of
They have known fear and they have known courage

All the experiences that a human being is capable of this person has probably known.
The circumstances may have been different, but the feelings much the same.

(It is helpful to end with awareness of breath or loving kindness meditation)

DOWNLOAD PARTNER GAZING HERE